The Other Guy

It had been going on for a while now. She was avoiding me, not communicating properly and it all seemed so forced. I knew something was wrong. But then she always said I overthink and over-analyze. That night she let it slip that on our Leh trip she would tell me everything. I could not bear the sound of that. I nagged her for an hour, she wouldn't say. Finally she decided to send me the two poems she wrote for him. This guy who she had met for just 10 days made her feel special and doubt our love.

I didn't know what felt worse - me not being able to connect with her the way that guy could do in 10 days or this happening in spite of her past. She would not know the deepest darkest insecurities of my heart. The fear of being cheated, the fear of being dumped, the fear of being let go. But maybe she would. Her past hadn't been too kind with her as well. And I convinced myself that no she would not cheat on me. Yet I had to ask that question. She must have felt bad, yet I had to ask.

I went through those poems. They were not sweet, they hurt. "If only I met him before" - those exact words. What is a guy supposed to do then? What was I supposed to do then? I was shattered and broken. Crying was just a way to convince myself that I felt bad. I did not have the courage to go ahead. We talked and I wanted to understand what went wrong. Her interests matched and the guy fit a profile that she drew when she was in school. I laugh at myself. She is disturbed. I don't know if I should be selfish or keep going for the sake of our relationship.

I decided to talk to her, convinced her I still love her. She says she needs time to think and sort this out in her head. She wants to be 100% convinced that she will marry me not out of pressure but rather because she loves me truly. I was hurt again. She still needed time. However I could not let her go that easily. The next day I could not work. She reached home and I convinced her that it's all good. Convinced her that it was for the good and that we were meant to be. She agreed said it was just what she needed to hear. Things were good or were they? She wanted me to come to Leh so we could talk it out spend some nice moments together. I was elated and this is exactly what we needed.

She herself said she would not talk to that guy. Days went by and she finally had a conversation with that guy. She made herself clear but the guy wanted to wait till the engagement. He wanted to see if she would change her mind. She said she would continue talking to him as a friend because she cant push him off. Yes I felt bad. Any guy would. That was the moment I wish she understood what I truly felt. What I was really going through. How could I be possibly ok with them talking? How could I trust that guy? How could I trust this will never happen again? She promised it wouldn't.

I let it pass too. Yes I was not ok. But I let it pass.